“Success is not final, failure is not fatal, but Ron DeSantis is definitely a fucking idiot.”

Winston Churchill

26 Jan 2024

“What does Mike Johnson think about any issue under the sun? I said, well, go pick up a Bible off your shelf and read it—that’s my worldview.”

Mike Johnson
Self-Described Theocrat

27 Oct 2023

“If Jordan says he didn’t know about it, then he’s lying.”

Dunyasha Yetts
Ohio State Wrestler

14 Oct 2023

“X has remained a dangerous cesspool of content, especially for advertisers.”

Media Matters
But Does It?

17 Aug 2023

“We have apologized for our mistake, are working to determine how it happened and make sure it never happens again.”

Aramark
(Spoiler: This is the third time it’s happened.)

05 Feb 2023

“The airship comes from China and is of a civilian nature”

Chinese Foreign Ministry
Stitching This With Their Best Espionage Story

04 Feb 2023

“While attempting to take the suspect into custody, another confrontation occurred; however, the suspect was ultimately apprehended.”

Memphis Police Department
Violent Street Gang

02 Feb 2023

“This one was like boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. It did not stop.”

Shally
Monterey Park Shooting Victim

24 Jan 2023

“Trump just announced for 2024. I stand with him. I never conceded my HD 14 race. Now researching my options.”

Solomon Peña
Grand Old Partier

22 Jan 2023

“By the way, my Corvette’s in a locked garage, okay?”

Joe Biden
Improperly Vetted

16 Jan 2023